I was going to write about paddling today. But then I read the memo. Don’t have the heart to write anything fun now. Yes, we'd heard about the memo during the hearings - but I was shying away from making judgements because I hadn't read the memo myself. Now I have.
I have one friend who is moving to Canada. I have another who talks wistfully of emigrating to Paris.
Myself, I’m a Navy brat. I'm definitely a liberal but probably the most conservative of all my liberal friends. My dad helped protect this country through the Cold War. My mom & my sister and I – well, “they also serve…”. I'm proud of what we did.
I’m not a belligerent, flag-waving, America-love-it-or-leave it patriot – but I am patriotic in my own way. This is my home. Want to say am proud of it but I don’t like where we’re going, our own home-grown fundamentalists scare me as much as any bearded lunatic in the Middle East. This country is from perfect – but I can’t imagine living anywhere else. I have always believed that for our imperfect world, our imperfect system of government was about as good at trying to rein in the worst of our human tendencies as any you'll find. But now - I just don't know.
Faith has been slipping away since March 2003. Call me naive, but I believed in the war in Afghanistan. It’s hard to call any war good – but there was cause, we exercised restraint, we waited until investigations were done, we planned it out with the world’s support…I just wish that we had offered assistance to help rebuild after helping the mujahedeen defeat the Russians, then maybe…maybe…
And today I read that memo. And I thought about what happened to me – running for my life in my own city with the worst noise I’ve ever heard (so terrifying I didn't look, just ran) ringing in my ears - and I thought about former co-workers of mine that weren’t as lucky as me – and all the other people too – and I imagine that memo - that quite plainspoken & clear memo - sitting in a file in Condoleeza’s office from January 2001 on, and the what was it, 57 FAA warnings, and I just do not have the words to express how this all makes me feel.
I’ll write about something fun tomorrow. Don't worry about me, I'm upset, but as a very wise friend of mine once told me when I was absolutely livid after discovering that someone I had trusted & thought of as a friend had been secretly discussing me with another mutual acquaintance in a very demeaning manner - "The situation hasn't changed, just your perception of it".
that's exactly what's happened here - and as you can tell from earlier posts, my perception of the situation was already unfavorable - this just adds another layer of resistance. I've indulged myself in this post & a good brood tonight. I'm still excited about seeing The Gates tomorrow, and going to an old friend's housewarming party, and the rolling class on Sunday (and there WILL be a post about teaching rolling before the end of the weekend, oh yes!).
The anger can go on the back burner where it can stay until a chance to do something useful with that energy.